I’ve always said, you can never predict what will happen between the Super Bowl and the first week of September.

I’ve always said, you can never predict what will happen between the Super Bowl and the first week of September.

mr-cappadocia asked
If females are the largest voting bloc in America, and politicians understand this, how, if politicians are self interested actors, would this impact the policies and spending of the American government?

I think they’d pour a bunch of money and research into figuring out why men aren’t voting.

mr-cappadocia asked
So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?

jetpackexhaust:

codyjohnston:

thisdanobrien:

hereinidaho:

Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.

#LaughablePenisRights

#NotAllLaughablePenises

It is weird that we do it so constantly, when everybody knows that people only deserve equal rights and treatment between the hours of4 and 7 pm on alternate February the 29ths. At first we worried that we couldn’t cover it all with our current propaganda budget, but we were able to transfer some funding to supporting feminism from our “Don’t be an asshole” budget because it turns out they overlap completely.

Look, I get it buddy. You’re pissed off because you’ve tried to be a good person your whole life and still you feel like you’ve been consistently stripped of the things you thought were guaranteed , and now there is a whole organized movement saying you still have too much, that you, just trying to live your life, is an affront to an entire gender. That’s a shitty feeling, but here’s the thing: no one is actually trying to take anything from you. That sickening feeling you have that your being robbed of basic human rights, there are people around you in your life who are feeling a worse version of that everyday. If you don’t believe me, look at any of the secret camera videos women have taken on the street to catch the verbal abuse they suffer, listen to any of the stories of guys who touch women on crowded trains and then smile at them as they leave because they know there’s nothing she can do about it, read any of the millions of accounts from human beings about the exhausting and demoralizing abuse they put up with every day. And you might not be the guy making them feel that way, I hope you’re not, but holy shit, you can actually help. You can help other people instead of standing in their way because it feels like another inconvenience. Finally, even if the absolute worse case scenario is true: this is one big conspiracy, Cracked and feminists and a huge chunk of the Internet are villainizing men unfairly and creating a culture where you’re no longer allowed to even voice your opinions without people getting angry- even if all of that is true- isn’t that worth preventing an inarguably high percentage of sexual abuse and dangerous objectification of your daughter/ your sister/ your wife? 

Not all the stabs at equality will be smart, or entirely on point or even helpful. This form of feminism is new, chillingly new for how long this shit has been going on, and not everyone is good at it yet, but holy shit, friend, how can you argue against the aim of basic respect for another human being?

XOXO,

Soren

startthemachine:

cracked:

Spike Spiegel and Malcolm Reynolds have a lot in common. So do Han Solo and Korben Dallas and James Tiberius Motherfucking Kirk. Which makes it a shame that we never get to see them go full Tombstone money shot on all the scoundrels, babes, and galaxies they can. Good thing we have a concept from Cracked regular Danzy and designed by one of our favorite designers, Luke Schroder who you may remember from this Mario/Friday the 13th mashup. Wear it and let everyone know no matter how many parsecs need crossing, you’re going to tackle them a lot less like the old, sensible Picard and a lot more like the freewheeling young one. [GET IT HERE]

Why the hell haven’t you bought this shirt?

I’ve always thought Cody would have been a great space cowboy.

startthemachine:

cracked:

Spike Spiegel and Malcolm Reynolds have a lot in common. So do Han Solo and Korben Dallas and James Tiberius Motherfucking Kirk. Which makes it a shame that we never get to see them go full Tombstone money shot on all the scoundrels, babes, and galaxies they can. Good thing we have a concept from Cracked regular Danzy and designed by one of our favorite designers, Luke Schroder who you may remember from this Mario/Friday the 13th mashup. Wear it and let everyone know no matter how many parsecs need crossing, you’re going to tackle them a lot less like the old, sensible Picard and a lot more like the freewheeling young one. [GET IT HERE]

Why the hell haven’t you bought this shirt?

I’ve always thought Cody would have been a great space cowboy.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are full of far eastern hocus pocus. Watch your kids around this bullshit.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

For some people, great power means NO responsibility. See why in our next Cracked Studios series, premiering Monday!

We’ve got a new show coming out that I didn’t write and am not in, so I’ve just been consuming it as a fan and it is very good and strong and different.
This new Cracked Studios joint will have five episodes with a release schedule as follows:
Episode 1: August 4th
Episode 2: August 6th
Episode 3: August 8th
Episode 4: August 11th
Episode 5: August 13th.
So, you know. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Monday, Wednesday.
Written by Cody, directed by Abe, and starring those people you see above.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

For some people, great power means NO responsibility. See why in our next Cracked Studios series, premiering Monday!

We’ve got a new show coming out that I didn’t write and am not in, so I’ve just been consuming it as a fan and it is very good and strong and different.

This new Cracked Studios joint will have five episodes with a release schedule as follows:

Episode 1: August 4th

Episode 2: August 6th

Episode 3: August 8th

Episode 4: August 11th

Episode 5: August 13th.

So, you know. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Monday, Wednesday.

Written by Cody, directed by Abe, and starring those people you see above.

I can’t stop watching these. Thank you, Cody Johnston for introducing me to this quiet genius.

abeepp:

Apparently when I get bored, I get really bored.

I think we found Abe’s superpower. 

abeepp:

Apparently when I get bored, I get really bored.

I think we found Abe’s superpower. 

thirdworldtwo asked
are you aware, dear and handsome Soren, that there is fanfiction of you in AO3?

Good. My illigitemite MPREG children should be able to Google their father and know what he was like.

codyjohnston:

bring-in-da-noiz:

codyjohnston:

9 Trees That Are Rocks

Okay…fuck you? I know exactly what this is like because this is the way I am. I am pretty bubbly and personable, but am painfully shy and have trouble branching out. But if you want to call me a Sudowoodo, than what the fuck ever.


Maybe you have trouble branching out because you say “Fuck you” to harmless strangers telling silly jokes.

Cody, why are you picking on that character breakdown for every teen movie ever?

codyjohnston:

bring-in-da-noiz:

codyjohnston:

9 Trees That Are Rocks

Okay…fuck you? I know exactly what this is like because this is the way I am. I am pretty bubbly and personable, but am painfully shy and have trouble branching out. But if you want to call me a Sudowoodo, than what the fuck ever.

Maybe you have trouble branching out because you say “Fuck you” to harmless strangers telling silly jokes.

Cody, why are you picking on that character breakdown for every teen movie ever?