Soren Bowie: Your Eighth Grade Boyfriend

And probably the best thing that ever happened to you

Report: No One Will Ever Stack Up To Your Eighth-Grade Boyfriend

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little hurt The Onion didn’t contact me for questioning.

I can’t thank Matt Wyatt enough for showing me this exists. I probably owe him a choco taco or something

The surplus of hatred

thebrockway:

Sometimes I marvel at the negativity in the world.

It is honestly perplexing to me. I don’t know what I expect when I click on the comments sections of other sites — when I make it policy to avoid doing exactly that sort of thing on our site for precisely this reason — but the sheer volume of…

I’m like a boring, clumsy Freddy Krueger.

"Wasn’t sure whether me and this sprinkler were fightin’ or fuckin’, officer."

thebrockway:

I think every single story idea I’ve ever had has been born in the shower. There’s just something about being naked and wet that activates the story-telling part of the brain. I think because it’s the same part that would have to come up with reasonable excuses if you were caught naked and wet anywhere but the shower. 

Yes, right. That’s exactly why my brain is so creative in the shower too.

kurtsnyder:

MAKIN’ BACON PANCAKES!
By Kurt Snyder [website | tumblr]

Fortune saw fit to let me experience this while simultaneously listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM_rIaUm7ac

kurtsnyder:

MAKIN’ BACON PANCAKES!

By Kurt Snyder [website | tumblr]

Fortune saw fit to let me experience this while simultaneously listening to this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM_rIaUm7ac

(via thefrogman)

eternal-bummer asked: So, I just read the etsy thing you posted, it was quite interesting ha. And I'm curious, what was in the box you ordered?

LIMITLESS POTENTIAL.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-etsy-helped-me-find-my-inner-creepy-self/

I made a series for Cracked about an astronaut video chatting with an elementary school class while slowly going insane. It’s called Dispatches from Goddamn Space and if you watched it, thank you! If you haven’t seen it yet and think that might be something you’d enjoy, you can watch all the episodes here (they are very short if that sweetens the deal for anyone). I’m very proud of it and I hope you’ll share it if you like it…or if you hate it. Hate sharing is OK too, though obviously less ideal.

I made a series for Cracked about an astronaut video chatting with an elementary school class while slowly going insane. It’s called Dispatches from Goddamn Space and if you watched it, thank you! If you haven’t seen it yet and think that might be something you’d enjoy, you can watch all the episodes here (they are very short if that sweetens the deal for anyone). I’m very proud of it and I hope you’ll share it if you like it…or if you hate it. Hate sharing is OK too, though obviously less ideal.

thehauntedrocket:

.

Yep, that’s where I would have put it too.

thehauntedrocket:

.

Yep, that’s where I would have put it too.

(Source: generic-art)

Anonymous asked: Will you please tell me a scary story?

Once there was this guy and he had this wife and every time she said, “I love you” he would say… “Ditto.”

So this guy got shot during a robbery and his wife was inconsolable and she kept going back to the pottery wheel they used to use together and occasionally fuck on, and she tried to feel his ghost there with her, making a tea kettle or whatever but it just never felt quite right. 

Finally she met this psychic lady with no eyebrows name Whoopi who claimed that she could see the wife’s dead lover.  She agreed to let him inhabit her body for half an hour so that the couple could fuck on their pottery wheel one more time. But it turned out that the psychic was a hustler who just wanted to have sex with the heartbroken lady. And that’s why you can never trust a psychic.