11 Movie Alternate Dimensions With Horrifying Downsides

We do a show every month called Cracked After Hours. If you haven’t seen it, this is the newest episode and probably a good place to start.

Anonymous asked
Who's your favourite British person?

Sir Francis Drake, obviously. Then second place is my friend Olly from college. I hope you can finally sleep now.

bitches gotta eat: all the pages worth masturbating to in "fifty shades of grey."

I don’t have a favorite book, I only have a favorite book review. Someday I’m going to take Samantha Irby out to dinner and then introduce her all the creams she’s not allowed to touch in my shower.

smallstegosaurus asked
What is your spirit animal?

Rhinocerous with a switchblade. Next question.

So about a week ago, I messaged thisdanobrien (My favorite internet columnist/Author/Current semi famous crush) about how attractive I find him and how awesomely talented he is, and also about his interest in American History. He hasn’t message me back yet and I’ve been having a panic attack for 5 days. Just….stewing in my own anxiety. Fun fact for the day!

(via kee89)

Dear Dan, this woman really wants you to respond to her. She even messaged me today to tell me I’m alright but I’m no Daniel O’Brien. Thanks for that, by the way, lady.

digitalmirth asked
If you're really my eight grade boyfriend, then name 5 of Fall Out Boy's songs. I need proof.

You already know I don’t remember the actual names, just what track they are on that mix CD you made me, girl.

Anonymous asked
Are you the real Soren? if so, marry me please!

What’s your college loan situation?

Apparently the Library of Congress is full so they’ve asked me to keep this one in a safe place.

sarizard asked
did you go see late night with seth meyers during fleet week? i was watching an episode and the camera panned to the audience. there was a dude who looked just like you. if it wasn't you, you have a (probably evil) twin.

I did. I met a marine while standing in line named John Tucker and he was a fan of Cracked so I sat with him, and also, it turned out, everyone else from the military. So it was a whole row of military personel, and me.