Soren Bowie: Your Eighth Grade Boyfriend

And probably the best thing that ever happened to you

Anonymous asked: In Jedi Academy did you have syllables you were supposed to say or did you just say whatever gibberish you wanted

I made up a very specific sounding language so it would be consistent throughout the episodes but, no, none of it actually means anything. Don’t bother hunting for patterns.

Anonymous asked: shelby fero the hiphop expert. pshhhh please! i remember when you tweeted how smart the song 99 problems by jay z was like a year ago. oh d'uh! but it's great. we're all watching shelby discovering the world and then pretending to have known it all along. u a wannabe nigga now too, eh?

thebrockway:

shelbysbutt:

Oh yeah this kind of bullshit is why I stopped using tumblr. Think this is a good cue for another break

Don’t make the mistake of lending more weight to the occasional asshole than all the other, nicer folks. It’s hard to avoid, I know, I do it all the time — there’s some stupid mis-wiring in the human brain that makes us pay close attention to the one shrieking shirtless jerk while ignoring the crowd of awesome humanity all around him. 

And thus ends my folksy lecture. Apologies all around. Pocket squares and homemade pie will be issued as compensation. 

Everyone should always listen to Brockway. Between his vomit and vitriol are nuggets of eloquence.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

DOB and @katystoll as mismatched Jedi. You’re welcome. #AdventuresInJediSchool [TRAILER]

Fun Fact! Whenever you see a movie or TV character in special, head-covering alien make-up, like the kind I’m wearing in this series, you should know that the actor had to wake up very early and sit in a make-up chair for about an hour and a half while two make-up artists used a motorized spray gun to blast yellow make-up directly into his ear!
Bonus Fun Fact! It takes for fucking ever to fucking come off!

You poor guy, are you OK?
Sincerely,

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

DOB and @katystoll as mismatched Jedi. You’re welcome. #AdventuresInJediSchool [TRAILER]

Fun Fact! Whenever you see a movie or TV character in special, head-covering alien make-up, like the kind I’m wearing in this series, you should know that the actor had to wake up very early and sit in a make-up chair for about an hour and a half while two make-up artists used a motorized spray gun to blast yellow make-up directly into his ear!

Bonus Fun Fact! It takes for fucking ever to fucking come off!

You poor guy, are you OK?

Sincerely,

Surprise, Johnny Homes has always been your teammate in equality.

Anonymous asked: youre hella hot but youre no dan obrien lol bye

Dan, I don’t know how to get you to stop sending me these except to publicly shame you. Enough is enough. This isn’t handsome behavior.

Light Bulb Helmets!
Lady bullets!
Powder!
Shameful Gothic Erections!
All this and more in the next thrilling issue of Captain Future! We have no idea what we’re doing.

Light Bulb Helmets!

Lady bullets!

Powder!

Shameful Gothic Erections!

All this and more in the next thrilling issue of Captain Future! We have no idea what we’re doing.

weirdshitblog:

randallmaynard:

Exorcism Kit!


Cover art - Saint George and the Dragon. Printed, extra-aged in photoshop. Weathered glass window.

Vade Mecvm book - Cut from leather, printed latin pages aged and weathered, bound with waxed thread. Costume jewelry cross glued to cover.

Mounted skull cross - Costume jewelry cross, wooden craft store cross. Painted.

Holy water bottle - hotel lotion bottle, custom sculpted faux-wax cap. Painted, aged.

Herbal container - Breath mints container, glued on costume cross. Painted, weathered.

Inner casing - Layered EVA foam, fabric, gorilla glued to base.

Seal of Solomon cross background - Layered printed paper, aged and sealed with glue.

Rosary - Assembled from old neck chain, margi gras beads and custom sculpted cross. Painted and aged. Going to hell.

Check out this vampire hunter kit made by Cracked’s art kingpin, Randall Maynard.

Randall made me a house healing kit. It is the second best present I’ve ever gotten.

(via hereinidaho)

randallmaynard:

Made a house warming gift for a colleague who has a PDF degree in spiritual house healing. Pretty sure my apartment, the box, and everything it touches is cursed thanks to brazen adulteration of religious artifacts.

I’ve been subtly and not so subtly trying to get Randall Maynard to let me exorcise his apartment because it’s full of baby ghosts. I’m going to assume this gift was an open invitation. Randall, I will need sage, a priest’s collar and an extra pillow on your bed for the next three weeks. Also some Sweet and Spicy Doritos. Let’s get comfortable.

randallmaynard:

Made a house warming gift for a colleague who has a PDF degree in spiritual house healing. Pretty sure my apartment, the box, and everything it touches is cursed thanks to brazen adulteration of religious artifacts.

I’ve been subtly and not so subtly trying to get Randall Maynard to let me exorcise his apartment because it’s full of baby ghosts. I’m going to assume this gift was an open invitation. Randall, I will need sage, a priest’s collar and an extra pillow on your bed for the next three weeks. Also some Sweet and Spicy Doritos. Let’s get comfortable.

Who the fuck read my diary entry from December 7th?!
thebrockway:

cracked:

Good news: that “SHRED-209” idea exists!
Better news: it’s on a t-shirt!
Useful news: use this secret promo code to get it on the cheap if you order before Friday (Jan. 3rd).

This is my favorite everything. It’s my favorite shirt. My favorite movie. My favorite food. My favorite song. I may be having a stroke.

thebrockway:

cracked:

Good news: that “SHRED-209” idea exists!

Better news: it’s on a t-shirt!

Useful news: use this secret promo code to get it on the cheap if you order before Friday (Jan. 3rd).

This is my favorite everything. It’s my favorite shirt. My favorite movie. My favorite food. My favorite song. I may be having a stroke.