montrealaesthetics asked
Dear Soren, every time I watch the moment when you smile at the waitress and then unexpectedly cough up feathers in the Alternate Dimension episode of After Hours, it makes me laugh out loud. Every time. Was it hard putting aside your natural suaveness and social ease to play an alternate version of yourself? Or, the darker question, was it hard to watch the actual alternate version of yourself snag some screen time while wearing track pants?

So the thing about coughing up feathers is that it’s almost impossible. The minute you put a feather in your mouth, it get’s the slightest bit wet and wants to stay in there forever. I spent an hour and a half before the shoot trying to build a contraption that wouldn’t be noticeable and would allow me to cough them up bone dry, which meant that I had a lot of failed moments sitting by myself outside the diner scraping dyed feathers out of the back of my throat.

I finally invented a feather dispenser made out of a disk-shaped piece of paper, folded in half and filled with feathers, but with a tiny hole cut in the middle of the disk to allow air through the back when I coughed. I’m going to patent it and make a million dollars.

Anonymous asked
What is the best thing about writing for cracked?
  • Before I ever published a single article for Cracked I would read the columns from Dan and Seanbaby and Brockway and Bucholz, I would watch Michael do Cracked TV and it was intimidating because not only were they each uniquely funny, they were all quietly real writers. Their structure, their pace, their word choices were so careful and precise that I thought, “I’ll never be able to do this. They’ll know. They’ll know I’m not supposed to be here.” But they couldn’t have been nicer or more encouraging when I started writing. The first article I ever wrote was a guest column because Dan asked me to fill in for him on Thanksgiving. When I asked him what I was allowed to write about he shrugged and said, “Anything, I trust you.”
  • Over the past few years as a columnist, there are a handful of articles I look back on proudly because I think they are smarter than anything else I’ve written, and inevitably David Wong or Jack O’Brien are at least partially responsible for all of them. Each time I turned to David or Jack with a bunch of loose ideas, they somehow knew how it all fit together immediately, like they already figured it out years ago and now they were just helping some slower kid with his homework. 

If I push the thousands of reasons why Cracked is one of the best things that ever happened to me off the table and just leave my favorite, it’s everyone I work with. When you are surrounded by people who are better than you, it makes you want to be better every day. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write a drunk column about which birds look like they fuck the best.

fajivity asked
How was kissing Micheal Swaim at the end of Agents of Cracked? Was it as dreamy as I imagine it to be?


We both ended up bleeding from the mouth after. I can’t remember the specifics exactly (I think one of us got hit in the tooth when the other one came in too strong, but I can’t remember who that happened to and I certainly can’t remember why the other one was bleeding). It really drove home the fact that Michael and I are not kiss-compatible (unless mutual-blood-loss is your thing re: kissing [and if so I’m not judging]).

Soren made us film another take where the kiss was less “wild and intense make out” and more “soft, sweet and tender smooch-session,” which was weird because Soren wasn’t directing that episode or anything. He just happened to be there that day and after Michael, Abe and I had decided we got the take that we wanted Soren said “No, no, no, again, do it again. Slower.”

Look, they were in a hot air balloon together floating over the Earth. That’s not a moment you spoil with a desperate panicked kiss. Save that shit for a rainstorm on a bridge. Balloons call for tenderness. Also I wanted to see them kiss slow, we’ve all got our thing.

Anonymous asked
Hey, I just wanna say that I loved Dispatches from Goddamn Space a lot. Also, if you're my 8th grade boyfriend, how come you aren't fluent in Spanish (are you?)? Bye, have a nice day!

Éramos sólo niños, pero el amor era verdadero. La piscina está llena. Mi lápiz es amarillo.




Keeping up the tradition of companies misunderstanding their own product, Tinder thinks they do something with balloons, maybe.



the future is here and it’s horrible

Innovative technology.

When you are programmed to serve, there are only so many ways to rebel.

(Source: pierregrassou)

11 Movie Alternate Dimensions With Horrifying Downsides

We do a show every month called Cracked After Hours. If you haven’t seen it, this is the newest episode and probably a good place to start.