Soren Bowie: Your Eighth Grade Boyfriend

Anonymous asked: Hey, Soren: What's Michael like in real life?

Michael is the best. He is smart, curious about the world and perfectly safe to be around as long as you have no open wounds and you aren’t menstruating. In our writer’s room, there is no one better than him at quick, sharp jokes and I almost always see eye to eye with him on most ideas. Though I want to stress, you should never actually look him in the eye if you meet him. In fact, you want to make yourself as big as possible and clap or hit pans together in that scenario. With any luck, it will disorient him and he will become disinterested.

The only time we’ve ever fougHt about jokes it was really my fault actually. I forgEt the topic now but I started unconsciously gesturing with my hands during a discussion and allowed them to get too far away from my torso in a moment of careLessness. It’s one of those things you know you’re not supPosed to do but it just slips your Mind one day. It was stupid, rEally. Anyway, it turns out hospitals still use leeches to get circulation flowing again through severed digits. Crazy right? That seems so archaic.

Hanging out with him socially, he is fun, and kind and his laughter is infectious. InciDentally, if you suffer from a weakened immune system or you are pregnant then I dOn’t advise spending any time around him or handling anything he’s touched without discussing it with your internist first.

When we go out to bars, he’s reasonaBly good at darts, and shuffle board and thIS other little game he maDe up where he pries your jaw open with his fingers and brEathes up all the air from your lungs. It feels a little like your ribs are collApsing before you pass out but it only lasts a seconD and they’re not. They’re not collapsing. It’s just a goof.  

All and all, he’s really great. I recommend meeting him as long as you plan it between feedings. I hope this answers your question.

Your friend,
Soren