Soren Bowie: Your Eighth Grade Boyfriend

johncheesecracked asked: What is John Cheese like in real life?

John Cheese is a completely intolerable human being with the skin roughly the same texture as an unkempt testicle sack. And when I say roughly, I mean one that has been calloused and scabbed from relentless handling. He is flatulent, bacterial and worst of all, asymmetrical. When he’s not sabotaging the site you can probably find him pushing disabled children into barbed-wire fences and handing out small pox blankets on Navajo reservations. He also spends a considerable amount to time in his horrible fucking mud den sucking the spinal fluid out of pregnant animals and touching his own feet, but like in a sex way.

I hope that gives you a good sense of the kind of human travesty he is. Thanks for the question!